So, this is a post I have been mulling around in my head for a while and after last week’s triathlon I thought it was time to bring it up. I think we have all been there and maybe even wondered the same thing while in the midst of a race. Encouragement or backhanded compliment? Let me explain.
Picture this-There you are running your little heart out in the final miles of a race. You have trained hard, you are prepared and you are doing this. You glance down at your watch and see you are right on pace, right where you want to be. You know exactly how many miles you have run and exactly how many miles you have left to run. Then, it happens, some guy blows right by and shouts “looking strong”.
Really? Am I “looking strong”? You just blew right by me how strong can I be looking? A few minutes later, you are approaching the finish and it happens again. This time, a woman blows by you and reminds you “you are almost there don’t stop now”. First of all, I know I am “almost there” I do have a watch on too. Secondly, who is “giving up”?
I don’t know about you but these types of shout outs during races from other runners do not sit well with me. I feel defeated and kind of insulted. Do they need to remind me that they are faster just so they feel better? Do they really think I don’t know I am almost there? What is their motive for shouting out?
I thought maybe it was just me being over sensitive so I went to my source for all things, my MRTT running group. It appears that I am not alone here. Apparently many of my friends are also annoyed by these same backhanded compliments and also find them defeating. I’d really love to get to the bottom of this whole thing.
Please share your thoughts with me. How do you feel when another runner shouts out as they pass you? What do you think their motive might be?
Linking up
I’ve never really thought about it like that. I think they’re just a common cheers of encouragement. Like in baseball when you yell at your pitcher to “give him the heat!” or in individual routines yelling “finish strong!” I’m sure they mean well!
Let’s hope so!
I think it’s more of a compliment, an encouragement, but the way they deliver it is not good, in my opinion.
I have always gotten the sense that when runners pass others during the race the its nice to encourage them. However, I know what you mean. I have seen people stop to walk, and then as runners pass they give them encouragement. But for those are who running a strong race and get passed it seems weird. I could definitely see if both ways but I would like to think that most runners have good intentions and are just being encouraging.
I would like to hope so as well but sometimes it does not come off that way
I understand the confusion and the mixed feelings. I think a better comment might be to say “We got this”–make it a collective thing, a comment about the group. I’ve had mixed feelings about myself regarding these comments. But I would feel weird not saying anything!
I think saying “we” might make it a little better
I like to think the intentions of these comments are just to encourage others and are meant well. The older I get these things just don’t bother me!
Ha I think things might bother me more as I get older 🙂
Honestly I think their intentions are good. I’ve had plenty of runners pass me with encouraging words as they went. I think they sort of feel like it’s a courtesy to say something nice. I also get that one can be stabby (me) in those late miles so I can understand why you’d feel this way.
Something about it just really annoys me!
I never thought if it in a negative way….I try to say encouraging words to others (especially ones who appear to be struggling), and often times I have asked others if they’re alright if they are limping, etc. Gosh…..maybe I need to re-assess how/what I say (?). I always mean it as a “group hug” kind of endeavor
I think it’s different if someone is clearly hurting and you are asking if they need help.
I think it depends how I’m feeling in the race. When a race is hard and someone says to me “you got this”, that seems to help. I don’t mind when people breeze by me and should out encouragement, altho it always makes me wonder where they were the whole time!
Ha they do sometimes come out of nowhere
While I think their intentions are in the right place, I would get annoyed with these comments as well – especially “don’t give up”. I don’t mind when someone says “looking strong” as it gives me a little bit of a confidence boost.
The don’t stop now comment really bothered me!
I, too, see both sides, but I also like to encourage runners when I’m racing. Of course bear in mind I’m not usually passing a whole lot of people!
On the flip side, I once had a woman ask if she wanted her to run me in. What? I mean, this was when the finish line was in sight. I was running. In fact, as is often the case at the end, I was running pretty good. That one didn’t sit well.
And then there are the “you can do it” when I take my walk breaks. I know they mean well, but that can be kind of annoying when you run/walk.
I guess that just leaves us with the “great job”! But if I’m passing you and I say that, wouldn’t that also annoy you?
In the end, I think we have to take it in the spirit it’s meant in — as camaraderie & as encouragement.
Yes the “you can do it” while you are taking a walk break would not sit well with me either. Thanks for chiming in!
Gosh, I think people are just trying to be encouraging. I’d hope its not a slam that they are faster etc.
I hope so too!
Hm… I don’t feel insulted when that happens… I feel like the other person is being supportive/encouraging … that they are respecting and acknowledging that i’m out there pushing myself… will be interesting to see what the consensus is
thanks for chiming in love to hear all the viewpoints on this
I guess these type of statements don’t generally bother me but I also don’t generally say anything to other runners unless they are stopping or are stopped and look like they need some encouragement. I also love any sort of crowd support, it usually keeps me going.
Crowd support is a whole other thing I love hearing people in the crowd yell my number or wish we well.
I think they are trying to encourage and be kind, but it might just come across wrong.
Perhaps it does come across the wrong way at times or maybe I am too sensitive
I always wonder if I should encourage someone if I pass them on the course but always do because I know I would want it. Sometimes it gives you just the boost that you need to keep going!
I think we all have different feelings on this and perhaps it depends on what kind of day we are having too
I’d never thought about it before, but honestly I think that most people really do mean to be encouraging. As a runner, I wouldn’t want to run by someone without a word, that seems rude and uppity (?) to me. Since you can’t read into their heart to know what the really meant, I would take it as encouragement. Or you can also use it as something to spur you on a little too. Like “I’ll show them ‘looking good!!!'”
Funny I don’t usually talk to people while I am racing unless I know them. Probably bc I am dying 🙂
I really haven’t thought negatively about this but I see what you are saying. Maybe they are just offering support. I don’t mind when I am struggling I do need and will take any support.
But maybe they just need to feel better about their self.
Who knows! Thanks for chiming in
I generally think (well have thought up until now) that these kind of things “looking good” “you got this” “stay strong” whatever were just the running equivalent of the “hi there” “how you doing?” “have a good one” i’m walking past you i dont want to be rude sayings that people use but now i’m having second thoughts… ultimately i think 99% of the time it is a complement and meant as a positive, encouraging thing
I sure hope so!
This makes me think..hard. As a pacer in half marathons, I encourage runners in my group and beyond. Especially at the end of the race, I pull out the “you got this”, “keep it up”, “we’re almost there”, “you can do it”, “looking good” lines quite a bit… Most of the time, I am passing runners that are walking and might need the extra encouragement. I surely haven’t ever thought that I was giving anything other than encouragement to those runners…but now it makes me think a little more about how it would make them feel in their situation. Surely I am passed a lot when racing and it doesn’t bother me if someone passes me without a word – but when I pace, I am there to be that encouraging voice throughout the race. I just hope that other runners view it as encouragement…and not the opposite.
Maybe as a pacer you are seen in a different view? Something about it just really annoys me
I hope that its more of a compliment, that’s how I take it when said to me during a run. I believe that they are wanting to help you achieve your goals, maybe a new pr, etc.
I hope so thanks for sharing your opinion
I find those comments only bother me if I’m not in the mood at that moment… it depends how I’m feeling and where my minds at. Interesting post!
Interesting way of looking at it thanks
I thrive off of these encouraging words during the end of a race!!! What I really hate is when people zoom by you and don’t even acknowledge you as a participant and fellow runner. That’s not cool at all. I honestly think the majority of people who say similar things to runners they pass, mean it as sincere encouragement. It’s all part of the running community 🙂
I do thrive off of encouragement from spectators but sometimes the others really rub me the wrong way
Oh boy, I have never given this any thought at all. I think that I really don’t care what other runners might say to me as they pass me. I know I am slow poke so expect to be passed. If they are going to bother to speak, then I am thinking it must be coming from a good place, not meant to be insulting… unless it is obvious, like GET OUTTA MY WAY!
Will be interested to read the other comments.
I should probably adopt your attitude of not caring what they say!
Oh man! I’ve got to be honest– I’ve been on both sides of this… getting passed and someone saying something and passing and saying something to another runner! I honestly think that most people really mean well… but maybe that’s just me living in my bubble! lol!
I honestly don’t know what their intentions are just how I feel sometimes thanks for sharing your thoughts
I never really thought about it like that. I guess I know these people are meaning to be encouraging or they’re saying things they think they supposed to be saying. Since I don’t think they mean it as a back handed compliment, I don’t think I take it as one.
Probably a great way to look at things!
Oh damn. So I should probably stop saying that to people. I usually only say it if I’m coming up on a runner that looks like they’re struggling. I feel like if I were on the struggle bus I would love some words of encouragement. I definitely don’t say it to random people I pass. But duly noted for next time — I’ll keep it to myself!!
Not saying you should or should not just sharing how I feel. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I like to stay positive, so I’d say it is in good spirit!
Probably a healthy way to look at it thanks for sharing that
It seems to me comments like that are made in the spirit of sharing in a group athletic event. My choice is to assume the best and be thankful for the encouragement.
Thanks for expressing your thoughts appreciate hearing different views on this
My experience is limited to races in Ontario, Canada. Maybe it is different in the United States or other parts of the world. For the most part, I am just impressed by anyone who commits to running ( from 2 km to 26.5 km or more, it all counts).
Well that is a welcome change of pace comment thanks for chiming in!
Such an interesting post! I actually like when people do this and I guess I’m guilty of doing it myself too. I think because I like it, I assume everyone does – but it’s good to know that it might seem condescending. Also, I rarely pass anyone in a race so it doesn’t happen that often, lol. 🙂
Now when people say to me “Oh, you’ve run a marathon? You don’t look like a marathoner. Good for you.” — THAT drives me nuts.
So that is pretty much the same thing- a compliment but not really a compliment
I think it probably depends on the person. I’m sure some people are really genuine and trying to be encouraging but I think others are probably just being kind of condescending, haha.
I think so too but who knows!
Ooh, tough question. When I pass someone (not necessarily in a race) I feel like it’s rude not to say anything, but I don’t know what to say. If it’s not a race, I usually say “‘morning.” If it is a race, I may say nothing.
If it is not a race, then it’s totally fine to say hello or good morning. It is during a race that I feel this is annoying.
I have to admit I’ve never thought of it this way at all. I have definitely given those shout outs to people becuase I always appreciate them when people say them to me. I find it motivating. Like we’re in this together and you got this, is the what I hear when a runner says it to me.
I don’t think anyone is intentionally rubbing it in your face. So I say take it as motivation, accept their positivity and channel it into finishing your race.
Great way to look at it thanks
Oh my gosh!! Been there!! After my fourth child was born (and third c-section) this happened to me. I rested my first two weeks after his birth, just like you are supposed too. Then I started walking each day and on the start of week five I started running again. Exactly six weeks from the day of my child’s birth there was a 5k. I was ready! I showed up to sign in and my doctor was there. He was shocked to see me, asked a few standard doctor questions, then nodded his head and smiled~ he knows me, he knew I was ready. Anyway, my husband had the double stroller for this run and we started the 5k. I felt so amazing!!! Like crazy super human amazing. I LOVE running. I get totally lost in the scenery, flowers and buildings, I just get an incredible high. But when a group of women runners were shouting at me “look at you, you’re doing great!” “Way to go!” I looked behind me then in front of me and realized, they had already hit the half way point and were headed back. I was so embarrassed. I didn’t realize I was barely moving. I wanted to cry. I didn’t even know I could run so slow. My precious husband just smiled and said c’mon. He hates running. He was just there for me. So I thought about him and how he didn’t care if I ran or not. He just knew it was something that I love, so he was there for me and he never said anything about my pace. So, I had to shake those comments from my mind and keep moving forward. I don’t know what they were thinking. Hopefully it was their way of being nice, but it felt really rude.
Stephanie I can totally see how this might make you feel bad. You were having a great day and a comment from someone else kind of ruined your runner’s high. I’m sorry that happened to you and wow running a 5k 6 weeks after having your 4th child? Total badass!! Thanks for sharing your story
I do not think they are trying to insult you by saying those phrases, but rather encourage you. Even though it may sound like that. What I don’t like is when people saying you are almost there when clearly you are not. Those people are usually the spectators and have no idea how us runners are feeling.
I actually love the shouts from spectators they cheer on everyone and I believe genuinely mean it. Fun to hear everyone’s different views
I think it is the tone used that would lead me to think one way or the other, but I totally understand that sometimes those comments can feel condescending! Hmmmm…I need to think about this one more….
It really bothered me most when I was on my bike and thought I was crushing it
I’m not a runner, but I’m guessing the peoples intentions are good, but they have never really thought about how it would be received.
My girls had a piano teacher who had plastic ducks all around her. She would tell the girls when they hit a wrong note or felt discouraged to look at the duck. When water hits his back it rolls right off… let it roll off and keep going .. was her theme. I have always loved that.
Interesting metaphor!
The only thing I like to hear when someone is passing me is- is a comment about my outfit choice- that’s it. Like cool socks or I love that shirt! No other comments needed as far as I am concerned!
Well I totally agree with that approach
I have felt the same way you have about those kinds of comments.
Once I was injured during a race, and I know people were trying to encourage me but when I had to drop out at mile 7 it made me feel even worse!
I hope I always encourage people when they race!!
Thanks for sharing that appreciate hearing other people’s views on this
I think most people have good intentions and things like “you got this” or “looking strong” don’t bother me at all. “Don’t stop” might annoy me, but it would totally depend on whether I was already worn out and crabby LOL.
I can see how the remarks can be taken both ways, I have said this to people when they look like they are struggling to finish, but maybe it is not as appreciated as I thought. I had a guy pass me at the NYC marathon at a point where I felt like I was going to die and he said you are doing great I have been following you for awhile and you inspired me to keep going…..stay strong only 5 more mile to go and then he took off. His words actually encouraged me to pick it up and keep going.
Thanks for sharing that story it is interesting how people have different viewpoints on this one
I totally get what you mean! I get this quite frequently, even out on my everyday runs. I know that most people are just trying to be encouraging, and truly have good intentions, but I also can’t help but wonder if I’d get the same comments if I was running faster, or if I looked like a “real runner”. On the flip side, I’ve actually gotten annoyed with people who don’t say something as they pass me in a race! How ridiculous is that?!
We runners are very finicky about some things I think. Thanks for sharing your views
I hear you! I think that they do MEAN well. But… sometimes I am left wondering, what makes you think I am struggling or need your “words of wisdom?” I don’t have a runner’s body or a nice graceful gait/stride – so comments like that sometimes make me feel self-conscious.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me!
Sorry that that happened to you…I have seen runners that I’ve been tempted to say something encouraging, but I didn’t want to sound condescending. Now I know I had the right instincts!
I guess you never really know how someone else might take a comment that might have been meant to be positive